How to
Stay Alive on a Winter
Rally
or
Do What You’re
Told, or Die
in the Cold!
being
A
Compendium of Advice
Gleaned from Sourdoughs
and
Sourdettes
and
Other Idjits
Dumb
Enough to Live Above
the 60th Parallel
|
CLOTHING:
When
it’s cold out it’s always a good idea to dress warm. No doubt your
dear
mother told you that, but it’s true anyway. Dress warm, or you’ll
freeze
your sorry ass off in the winter. However, there’s a method to
dressing
warm that you must know about.
-
Dress in layers. In other
words, you
should dress in layers from the inside out. Three layers is a
good rule
to follow. The first layer should be of something like your
long underwear,
known to some as a “union suit,” in case you are lost already.
The second
layer should be some nice loose-fitting pants and shirt, and
your third
should be a good pair of ski pants and parka. Actually, very
simple. No?
Note: Official Alaska Rally Team union suits must come
equipped with flaps,
two button only. These flaps are for—well, if you don’t know,
you are too
young to run this rally. Read your general instructions, or
call Satch
Carlson.
-
Head gear is very important,
and we
do NOT mean hash pipes and beads. Say, for example, that
you’ve fallen
off the road in a big way, and it becomes necessary for you to
be outside
in the wind and cold for an extended period of time. . . like
more than
30 seconds, maybe. Anyway, if you should happen to be outside
for any time
at all, remember to have on a good hat to put on your head.
Head. Remember
that. OK, anyway, it’s a little known fact that you will lose
more heat
out the top of your head faster than anyplace else. Don’t
worry about why,
and all that, just remember to put on your hat! Another
choice, a good
full-face ski mask, ain’t a bad idea.
-
Hands must be kept warm. You
can screw
up your hands quicker than anything if you’re not paying
attention. First,
always keep your gloves handy. If you have to change a tire,
or open the
hood or something, always put your gloves on first! If it’s
cold enough
outside, and you grab onto a metal object (rally car, for
example), chances
are good that you’ll stick to the damn thing, just the way you
did when
you licked that flagpole at age ten. You’ll look pretty stupid
running
down the road during a regularity, holding onto the door
handle (which
your hand is stuck to) because you forgot to put on your damn
gloves! Hope
Isuzu gets a picture of it ! Mittens are much warmer
than gloves,
but if you’ve got to work on the rally car, then you need
gloves. If you’re
just out there trying to stay warm, mittens are the
answer. Bring
both on the rally.
-
Feet must be taken care of.
Keep your
feet warm and dry. If you should happen to get your feet wet,
dry them
off, change your socks and shoes, boots, or whatever. Don’t
wait for your
feet to go numb. Take care of your feet as soon as possible.
It’s not necessary
to wear two or three pairs of socks. A single good pair of ski
socks will
do just fine, as long as your foot gear fits properly and you
keep it dry.
-
Some last words on clothing:
Make sure
what you have fits loosely. Tight duds may look good in the
ski lodge,
but you’ll freeze your buns off in real winter weather. This
ain’t no fashion
show! What happens is that loose-fitting clothing allows a
layer of warm,
insulating air between the layers of clothing, thus keeping
you warm(er).
Clever, no? Anyway, that’s the way it works. Trust us. Also,
make sure
that what you’ve got is clean and in a good state of repair.
Clean things
are warmer than dirty things. Finally, inspect all your
garments for tears
and rips. Fix or replace. Simple enough.
-
And more generalities: Stuff
filled
with feathers is warmer than other stuff. Stuff made of wool
is warmer
than most other stuff. Polar fleece and its generic
equivalents are very
good, but most such synthetics have a reputation for odor
absoprption -
if that's a concern try the new Capeline. Finally, remember
that natural
fibers like wool are much more fire retardent than synthetics.
FOOD & DRINK:
When it’s cold, really cold, like way below zero, it’s important
to remember
to drink lots of liquids. We’re talking good old water
here. Why?
Because, in Alaska and the Yukon, when it’s cold, it’s a dry cold.
Inside
your car, what moisture there is will condense and freeze on the
windows.
In short, believe it or not, you’ll begin to dry out.
Anyway, drink
lots of water or juice and you’ll feel better (and remember coffee
is a
diuretic!). If you wear contact lenses, make sure you
bring along
your regular eye wear; contacts don’t work all that well in the
north country
in the winter. If you should happen to find yourself in a
situation where
you've had lots of exertion or your rally car has “passed on”,
then it’s
important to remember to take on as much water as possible. You
may not
feel thirsty, but in the dry air of the frozen north, you're
drying out
as fast as you would in Hawaii. Strange, maybe, but true.
Bring along
plenty of food and water. Junk food is great for rallying; we call
it “Road
Food”. Fats in the morning, carbohydrates the night before.
Official US
of A Army C-rations are great for staying alive in a pinch.
When
you ain’t in a pinch, eat as you normally would. Just don’t skip
meals.
Carry more than you think you ought to, or you’ll find yourself in
the
middle of the Yukon Territory coming to Serious Negotiations over
who gets
the last Bit-O’-Honey.
EQUIPMENT:
By this time you will have already set up your car as you see
fit; some
people favor block heaters, headbolt heaters, battery blankets,
and such,
which work well--if you have a place to plug them in. Get
a circuit
tester also since many vehicles with such a gadget
collection start
tripping 110 circuits, making bad AM neighbors. Another plan is
to carry
your battery into the hotel with you at night. Thin oil
is a must;
like 5-W-30. It's also available in synthetics which seem
to stay
skinny at about a million below. Naturally we favor Red Line.
Perhaps
any mention of antifreeze would seem a little
redundant---but remember
that pure antifreeze turns into a gelid glop at very cold
temperatures;
ask Gene Henderson! A fifty-fifty mixture should
be fine.
Photographers:
cameras are known to freeze up in extremely low temperatures. If
your gear
requires batteries, carry spares in your inside
pockets. In
blowing snow, amber fog lights work well. Fog lights
ain't worth
diddly in any other situations, including fog. Remember pencils
- a pen will quickly freeze up and be useless while you're
outside writing
down times at ice races.
TIRES: The
debate
over hydrophilic compounds versus studs goes on and on and on.
The
Alaska Rally Team is unanimous in recommending studs. Ask Susie
Fouse about
the brand-new red 944 she wiped out on glare ice with
hydrophilic tires,
all because John was so smart.
The biggest winter rule is skinnier
is
better. Try "minus 1" or "minus 2" combinations, or
a few
tire sizes narrower than standard while keeping standard rolling
diameter
& load capacity (replace 215/65R16 with 205/70R16,
LT265/75R16 truck
tire with LT235/85R16, etc). Note: In recent years
studless
has improved. Years ago we changed AWD ice race classes
from sedan
/ SUV to just "studded" / "nonstudded", and results are
interesting.
Here's one Tire
Rack test, plus a 2012 comparison
of
studless tires.
IN AN EMERGENCY:
Don't panic. No, really: DON'T PANIC! IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT!
THEY'LL FIND
US WHEN THE GLACIERS MELT! Remember, you're on the main road.
Hell, you're
on the only road! With little exception, you can feel reassured
that somebody
will be along quite soon. Of course, this somebody is likely to
be another
rallyist, so we have a bit of the blind leading the blind here.
-
The first rule is to stay with
your car.
This is because everything is farther away than you think it
is. And it's
colder than you think. And your brain doesn't work when it's
cold. (Of
course if your brain worked in the first place you wouldn't be
out here
swearing at Jerry Hines).
-
The second rule is think first.
We
know the immediate reaction to hitting a snowbank is to throw
open the
doors and run around the car in your shirtsleves, but now both
you and
the inside of your car are cold and full of snow, and there is
probably
some other nut about to find the same bad corner. Even if it
takes a checklist,
try the following: don warm jacket/ hat/gloves, grab flare(s),
get out
(closing door), place flare, and survey the situation.
If you're
stuck give it your best try the first time and if it looks
like you're
just making things worse hook up a tow strap and get back in
the car to
radio for help. It's a also a good idea during the transits to
pair up
with other rally cars; besides, the miles just seem to fly by
faster when
you're jawing away on the radio.
-
Another cardinal rule of
the North
is never pass by a stopped car without stopping to ask
if you can
help. Chances are somebody has merely stopped to take pictures
or wrestle
frigid fingers through several layers of clothing in order to
find that
pesky little thingie that's shriveled up to nothing. (And if
you want to
know why women really hate us, watch one of them wrestling her
way through
even more layers while nestling in a snowbank behind the
bushes, especially
when there ain't no bushes. Oh, yeah. Woe to the fool who lets
even the
slightest hint of a smirk crawl across his features.)
And finally, HAVE A
GOOD
TIME. Why else would anybody go through all this
nonsense?
Checklist
for Equipment
Over the years, travellers
across the Alaska
Highway
have equipped themselves in varying fashion. Gone are
the days when you
needed four spare tires stacked on top of the station
wagon, but things
can still go wrong when you are in the middle of
nowhere, or just half
a mile off center. Past rallyists have found the
following items comforting,
and of course some are essential.
|
WHEREWITHAL:
As
much cash as you feel
comfortable carrying (travelers’ checks are OK)
At
least $100 Canadian
unless you plan to convert some dough once you get
across the border, assuming
you can find a bank and it’s open and it isn’t a
Canadian bank holiday
and you aren’t running so far behind you don’t have
time to stop.
Credit
cards:
Visa is virtually universal money (except in Tuk..).
It once had the advantage
that some remote gas stations don’t quite get around
to processing card
slips for months, but now you're just as likely to
find approval refused
in some lonely place because of "an unusual charge
pattern". Tell
Visa & AX you're going, and bring more than one
card just in case!
Also note only chip cards now work at Canadian
gas pumps, so either
get one or line up inside.
CREDENTIALS:
Driver’s
license (a current
one)
Passport
Vehicle
registration (with
notarized letter of permission if it ain’t
yours)
Certificate
of insurance
(required in Canada)
NAVIGATION:
Rally
computer installed
and familiar to the operator
Navigator’s
light &
clipboard
Notebooks,
pens of various
colors
Highlight
markers in various
colors
Accurate
clock and the
ability to set it
Amulets
for the superstitious
|
THE
ENVIRONMENT:
Books,
more than you think
you need (books on tape are also great, and make good
trading material).
Tapes,
more than you think
you need, ditto CD's
Sunglasses
(yes, even
in winter)
Tinted
windows, especially
in the back
Special
pillow & blankie
Rear
seat reading light
At
least one knife and
bottle opener
Forty
billion paper towels
Hand
crank flashlights
are handy in cold weather.
ROAD
FOOD:
Snacks
should be chosen
keeping in mind that the scent of barbecue potato
chips makes civilized
people throw up, especially in confined
quarters.
Ditto to
strong cheeses.
Salami and
the harder white
cheeses keep well.
Ginger snaps
or soda crackers
fight nausea.
Bread rolls
work better than
sliced.
Mayonnaise
happily encourages
salmonella.
One can live
for weeks on Planter’s
peanuts and Pepsi.
Lots of
liquid is essential,
the Yukon in winter is just a very cold desert.
|
Courtesy
of John
Fouse (Alaska Rally Team member & Alcan guru),
with ruthless
editing
and comments by Jerry Hines. Updated 2015